Sunday, 21 February 2010

The Deal

He looked over the quote, frowning slightly. "Hmm, I was hoping you could do me something a bit better than this."

"It's already cheap rates, what are you after?"

"Oh I don't know, something more... giving..." I breathed in sharply, and he looked at me with an evil glint in his eyes. He pointed to the sheet, and my eyes followed his finger as it spiralled round the figures. "I mean this bit here, surely you can go down a little bit for me..."

I was being played hard, but it was so... tempting...

He reached around and squeezed my shoulder lightly. "I mean, you could even do it for free since it's a project you really believe in..."

I felt spacey and suggestible. He was deliberately trying to make me loose my business head. I should have pulled myself together, told him that was the price, and he just had to accept it, and yet... and yet... it really was a project I believed in...

Saturday, 20 February 2010


I'm not young
I'm not pretty
I'm not sensitive

I'm not polite

I'm not thin
I'm not shy
I'm not smooth
I'm not gentle
I'm not kind
I'm not pleasing
I'm not sweet-voiced
I'm not groomed
I'm not yielding
I'm not attentive

I'm not fragrant
I'm not nurturing

I'm not child-like
I'm not hesitant
I'm not seductive
I'm not small
I'm not patient
I'm not exotic
I'm not considerate
I'm not tight
I'm not weak
I'm not in awe
I'm not feminine

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Knives and Basements

These are the things that have been filling my thoughts, distracting me from work, making my dreams sticky.

Things to do with dark, damp basements. Being tied up with rope for hours, left alone, not knowing when he'll come back.

Things to do with rags tied round my eyes, hearing him come down the stairs, not knowing where he is until I feel the knife at my throat.

Things to do with blood spattering onto plastic, hooks hanging from the ceiling, trays of surgical instruments.  This is about torture, not killing, but the look in his eyes says he'll go all the way if he has to.

Things to do with Stockholm Syndrome.

Things to do with losing control completely.

Things to do with wanting to tell him anything, wanting to do anything he wants, wanting to obey completely. Not so I get freed, not to save my life, just because he's in charge and I can't remember anything else.