Friday, 23 April 2010
Do you remember me?
haha, no, should I?
We chatted last week
haha, sorry I was pretty wasted, I guess
cool, so, what you up to?
Oh, Just hanging out, watching some porn
What are you up to?
oh, just chilling, got some music on
What music are you listening to?
oh, some grunge
Yeah? You like that kind of thing?
sure, it gets me going, hehe
Maybe I'll send you some stuff
So give me your email address
So I can send you some mp3s
oh sure, it's [deleted]
Good. Are you wasted now?
hehe, a little
OK. Did you get the email?
I just sent you some mp3s in an email
oh, cool, ok
yeah, wow, looks good
Put them on
Listen to the first track now
which one's the first one?
It's got 01 at the start
oh yeah, haha
Just open them all up, play them in order
Is it playing?
yeah, wow, man, this is pretty good!
I know. Just focus on the music, let it seep into you.
fuck, man, this is heavy shit.
Yeah, it really gets inside you doesn't it?
It's so slow, and powerful, it just kind of pulls your mind down with it
Sometimes it seems to fill up all the gaps between your thoughts, wrapping them up, soft and safe
Dissolving them in dark, deep water.
Leaving you blank, open, receptive
It's nice to just drift like this, reading my words without needing to think about them.
You're starting to feel horny, like the music is lapping gently against you, making you feel good
Stick your hand down your pants, your hand fucking you slowly, not under your control any more
That's right, you don't need to think, don't need to be in charge, don't need to be responsible for you actions.
Good, just keep fucking yourself, for me, because I'm telling you too
Feels good, doesn't it? Feels good to give up control like this, feeling better and better with every stroke.
Sorry, was that an answer?
yes, yes it feels good
And you want to keep feeling good don't you?
You want to feel even better, don't you?
Good. Just relax, you're doing very well, keep following my words, keep fucking yourself for me.
You want to come don't you?
But you can't, can you?
Because you need my permission.
So what are you going to do?
Don't sound so uncertain. You know what to do.
please can i come?
You can do better than that.
i don't know - please - i really need to come!
A bit better. Keep going.
i can't think - the music - please, i'm begging you - please let me come!
What would you do for me if I let you?
ahhhh - anything - anything! please
Good. Come on the cymbal crash in track 5. Then listen to the rest of the album. Then go to bed.
oh thank you thank you you're so hot can i talk to you again please
Sunday, 11 April 2010
- Love is endless. I don't need to hold on, don't need to scrimp and save, as if I'm losing something when I love someone. I don't have to choose who to give it to as if I've only got a limited amount to offer - I love people as much as I love them, regardless of how I feel about anyone else. The more I give, the more I'm replenished, and have even more to give next time.
- You can't control other people. However much I'd like to be able to puppet those around me - even if it's to get them to control me - everyone makes their own choices. You can trick them, you can manipulate and influence them, but they're still unpredictable, still free, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
- Now is all there is. I've been going round and round, trying to plan what I'd do if this, if that, but of course all that's going to do is drive me mad. All I can do is respond to what's in front of me, try to do the right thing and enjoy the perfectly imperfect moments.